I Must and Will be Stronger!

What a great weather to wake up to this morning... it was drizzling, the weather was so cooling... but ...but ... still it was another dreamless night. Have not been dreaming much... since Apr? That's like 5mths already! Except for twice when I had nightmares of the similar topic, must be thinking too much...

Went for a cycle, cycled to East Coast Park through the Tampines Park Connector...
Through Bedok Reservoir, Bedok Road, East Coast Road, Marine Parade Road...
Then when I arrived at Neptune Court... I was breathing heavily... heart pounding madly... I stopped to call Kathleen (Mr. Tan’s ex-neighbour)...she was home but not free to meet up...so no problem... Time is go back then...

But curiosity killed the cat... I was riding past the carpark... then I saw in the familiar lot... Mr. Tan’s new car... my heart was crushed once again... can I ever love again? Why... why had he not "casually" mention to me? Why had he yet to "show" it off to me? Why had I gotten all queasy at the thought of if I should "casually" tell him abt Cookie n Creamie... why?! WHY!!!
I feel like banging my head against the wall! Surprisingly, I was able to hold back the tears welling up... I cycled home...

While cycling, the memories just flowed back... both good and bad... memories of the previous 2 cars - the test drive, the inclusion of me for the insurance, the car accessorizing, driving "topless" doing the whole "WOOOOPIIIII" thingy... how can anything go wrong in a relationship when we have been thru so much, so much fun and memories? Why, What, When, Where and How did it go so wrong?! aRGH!

Then the answer I was told came back to me and reminded me once again!
(Ok ok, I will remember this... I must thank my dearest Starry, Vv, Apr, Bro Siong etc. for always reminding me this!)
When the Love is gone, everything is gone... EVERYTHING!

When the Heart changes, everything changes... EVERYTHING!
From the attitude, to the expectations... all goes down the drain! *SUP!* in one single glop!
Nothing can be done to recover all, ALL the pretty memories that were built with both your hands... what a Pity! Shouldn't the love remains? Shouldn't it merely changed from Relationship (lovey dovey) Love to Friendship Love? Wouldn't you continue to want the happiness for the person you have once loved? Oh... maybe then it wasn't Love in the 1st place?! Or maybe it was a painful but carefully planned decision, to make the pain, less painful? But Hey! Dun be a Smart Alec! Can pain ever be "Less Painful?"... *SHAKE HEAD* Nope!

There's a saying that tries to explain about Love lost or Lost Love:

"That's why winged Cupid is painted blind!!!"
Maybe that's why the arrows shoots aimlessly... somehow the person who kena arrowed also in turn becomes blind - blinded with infatuation, blinded by the pursue of an ideal dream partner... maybe that's why!

Some time back, I have decided that "Enough is Enough!"
I am looking forward to getting back my stuff, yet not so looking forward to it. Dilemma! After this, all links will be cut... or so my wilful thinking... or maybe I wish to linger on these feelings... haiz,I know its tough journey ahead... but I will be strong and carry on... after this stumble, I can only be stronger... Come what may!
Really... Enough is enough... enough is enough... all will come to an end soon...