I need to Refocus my energy…

Not so gd news today… the day started with an email stating that the incentive trip to DUBAI and BINTAN is cancelled. Reasons cited as did not achieve revenue target. WTF!
Fine, oh, then the next email came to congrats us that those who qualified will be treated to a gala dinner at Raffles Hotel instead… and “WOW” will not just be a dinner… nice pressies will be given (ie. Vouchers).
WTF.2 emails and the whole matter is swept under the carpet. WTF.

We then attended a briefing in the evening, I was already in a TL mood. New target for the year is being “briefed” and some1 attempted to end the whole session giving us a heads up on the Gala dinner that we so “deserved”. Big Big boss was there…everyone was exceptionally quiet and attentive. So when we were excitedly “congrated” by one of the project head, I asked a few questions:
V: “Oh, dun think that you are not being recognized for ur hard work k! U will be treated to a very nice gala dinner at Raffles Hotel and on top of that, u will be given shopping vouchers!” (an octave a little way too high for my liking).

Me: “Can we exchange for Cash incentive?”
(Big Boss looked in my direction, in my eyes… with a “how-dare-u-ask-such-offending-question” look, I looked back in his eyes, he didnt look away, so i didnt too).

Awkward silence… no answers…
V then attempted with : “erm… no u cant, but I assure u, they are very gd and useful vouchers!” (She really need to go for a pitch tuning session…)

Me: “So, how much will the vouchers be? Will it be equivalent to the DUBAI trip air tickets/hotel?!”
(by now I am losing my patience, Big Boss was still looking in my direction, in my eyes… I am still looking into his, I was actually waiting for him to speak… but he didnt... oh, what a pussy!)

Awkward silence… no answers…
On 2nd attempt, V: “Ermm…. It’s of gd value, that’s all I can say for now! They are Takashimaya vouchers! U can buy new year clothes with them!”
(at this point, I really feel like telling her that with this economy, with the ridiculously high target they have set and briefed us just 20mins ago, and as a financial manager, I will be an idiot to not know that I should be CASH rich instead of VOUCHER rich!)

Fine, I decided I should not make my immediate boss faint with anxiety…in case Mr.Pussy face question her who the F**K am I, I covered my big mouth with my small hand, fanatically trying to prevent the vulgarities from escaping…
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Back track a little, after learning abt the cancellation of the trip in the afternoon… I kinda felt quite lousy… I needed to make someone’s day better… I realized too that I have not gave any words of encouragement to Al for deciding to stub the butt… I dint wanna give him the impressive that I din care if he smoked or not smoked… it must have been 6 days already so I sent him a sms… no reply… orh oh…I guessed what happened.

I was not mad or anything, more like disappointed. When I asked him later in the evening if he indeed lighted up, he brought me round Bouna Vista 99-bend… no no, he got me wrong. I want the truth, the whole truth, the truth when I asked for it… I am prepared… and I want it NOW. Finally I got fed up, I shouldn’t even have to ask in the 1st place… this is something I made my stand very clear; dun make me have to guess. When I guess, I will guess wrongly, I will jump to conclusions, I will go crazy with crazy tots… tell me, just tell me.

Our conversation ended up very familiar… some manner, different matters … I have definitely experienced this before, and I LOATHE it to the max. Is the failure to disclose truth as sinful as lying? Guys avoid ‘questioning’, ’explanation' etc.

In my opinion-they KNOW with CERTAINTY tat girls dun like some of the things they have done, nt comfy tat's why there will be 'questionings'. Then nxt comes-Why would u do smting PURPOSELY when u knw ur girl wun like it? Talking abt avoidance of 'question', tell white lies etc. The simple solution is: DUN start e cycle in e 1st place! Dun lie, dun hide.

Utterly disappointed with what had happened tonite.

I have heard of promises made, soon broken… words said, later forgotten.
I asked Al if all men are like that, he said Most men r like this, avoid trouble mah! Haiz...

Luckily I dropped some negative thoughts along the way when I went out for a night jog… I have no intention of finding back what I lost back… I have no intention of going back to where I was... I need this new life to be different...