PART IV
The next few days went in a flash, seeing Cousin Bi so distressed; Mei took charge of the funeral affairs. This was the first time that Mei had to deal with the Casket, funeral parlour, the crematorium etc., but she felt that Aunty Sam was with her throughout. Everything was simple, just like hope Aunty Sam would have wanted it. She was a quiet woman or little words. During the wake, Mei was repeatedly told by Aunty Sam’s friends what a wonderful woman she was, Mei felt comforted that her “mummy” was such a great woman!
Naturally Mei’s mother was at the wake. She had repeatedly pulled Mei along when she went round the tables of relatives and her friends. At each table, she would repeat this: “This is my daughter, Mei! She is very close to my sister since young! But she is never close to me at all!! Since my sister passed on, Mei has been so sad. I am pretty sure when I die, she will not be as sad as she is now…”
Little did she know Mei had always had the same nightmare every time she has a disagreement with her boyfriend, her father or even her mother. She will wake up in cold sweat, sometimes scream herself awake in the middle of the night – having the same nightmare. She would dream the scenes of her mother crashing the wedding photo frame into pieces. She will again see her sitting across the edge of the kitchen window, half her body in the house, the half dangling outside. She will be on the floor with Hao, kneeing down on the kitchen floor and begged her to come. For years, she has this dream…
Their relationship was so strained that Mei felt like a battery plugged to a discharging station whenever she attempt to hold a conversation with her mother. So much so that Mei avoided seeing her mother, except on Chinese New Year. Luckily for Mei, her mother didn’t cause her too much distressed when she had a pushcart stall business near the bank she was working in. Mei’s mother would visit her sometimes, a couple of times sobbing at her open concept cubicle in full view of the bank customers. All these Mei could take it, because for Mei, those were the better experiences already. So Mei had a philosophy about visiting her mother, she would judge her “battery life” that day, if it’s at least 80% full, she can live through the whole “discharging” process because by then, she would have been left with just 30% – She could still afford the downtime.
Mei’s mother has been having problems with her husband for a couple of years now. Many times, Mei’s mother would complain to her about her husband that he is after her hard earned money, which he is trying to kill her for. She cooked up bizarre stories that even Mei found it hard to believe her own mother. Mei tries to detach herself from this negative energy that drains her emotions, so she avoids her mother almost totally. Sensing Mei’s detachment, her husband has been calling Mei’s brothers, Yong and Hao, very often. Their mother got into trouble of being drunk, vomiting her lungs out at home; banging her head on the wall till it bleeds etc.
No matter how detached Mei tries to tell herself to be, she cannot help but feel a need to know her mother’s latest progress. She gets updates from her brothers whenever some “commotion” happened. Mei had to endure hearing things like their 80yrs old Grandfather had to clean his daughter up after she got drunk again puking all over her own clothes. Her mother’s senseless behaviour on one occasion led to having the police involved. Her husband had called the police when she threatens to kill herself-again for the umpteenth times. Since committing suicide is a criminal offence and they could not subdue her, she was sent to the mental hospital. She had to be kept in observation and there a few outcomes. First, she gets charged if she is deeming to be in right state of mind by the hospital. Second, the charges will be dropped if she is diagnosed to be mentally unsound. Lastly, she will not be charged, but has to be put under close home supervision and medication. Mei ought to be sad, but she is disgusted by the doings.
During the next day consultation to discharge her, she created such a nuisance at the doctor’s office demanding IMMEDIATE discharge. This deemed her not mentally unstable, hence could not be discharged – she was kept over the weekend. Come Monday, she was finally discharged in the morning, but by evening, she got herself into trouble again. She had gone to her in-law’s place and banged her head against the wall in protest and self destruction that she was sent to the hospital again. Mei’s brothers rushed to hospital late at night to make sure she was ok, although Mei was with her brothers when they received the call, she did not go to the hospital with them.
Mei had problems sleeping each time she comes to know of the nonsensical things that her mother had committed again. She cannot reconcile why her own mother will try to her love ones… didn’t she ruin Mei and her brothers’ lives already? Why would she want to ruin her only lawful son’s life now? Mei even had evil thoughts of wishing her own mother was dead, so that she will finally stop disrupting her life and her brothers’ lives! Mei went to the extent that she does not wish for her name to be put in the newspaper obituary should the time come. She wished she was disowned, and then she wouldn’t find it hard to be cold hearted.
Mei can’t help but wonder if her mother was desperate for attention, maybe even for Mei’s attention. Maybe Mei had a part to play in all these; maybe she had neglected her mother’s feelings by being closer to her own sister rather than her. Could Mei do more to prevent this whole catastrophe from evolving? It pains Mei to see her brothers in distress, so affected by the whole episode, but she made up her mind not to “care”.
She remembers someone telling her this: A person who really wishes to take his life will not tell any tales of it. He will just do it, mainly because he is afraid that thru persuasion, he will give up the idea. So maybe Mei’s mother does not have the intention to take her own life at all, she merely needed to be shown TLC by her children. Since she is having so many problems with her husband, Mei wonders why her mother did not take the easy way out – a second divorce. Maybe it was the love she still harbours for her husband, or maybe it was sheer pride and ego that stopped her from doing so.
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